I tweeted about going outside and my buddy wanted proof see
but little did he know I DIDN’T EVEN GO OUTSIDE
I have a really hot waiter.Guys he came back with my food and said, “Careful the plate is hot too.” So I asked, “too?” and hE TOUCHED MY SHOULDER THEN MADE A SIZZLING NOISE.IM FREAKING OUT WHAT DO I DO.
wanna know what these all say?
"suck his dick"
'why are you sitting in the dark' excuse you I've been sitting here all day and it got dark around me I did not choose this
christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”
"a career" "financial security" "a sex life" "tuition for grad school" "alcohol" "a nap" "socks would be nice"
Allergies are weird as heck. You can snap a humans leg in half and they can recover but if you eat this peanut u dead
the sound of high heels on the pavement as you walk is the ultimate power trip, like you could be buying milk or on your way to assassinate someone